I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
