Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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