I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
