wakey wakey hands off snakey
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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