Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
