My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
