I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
