Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
