I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
