I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
