you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize