What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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