i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
