oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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