I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
