I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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