Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
