So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
