K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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