Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
