people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
