I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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