i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
