Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
