That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
