i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Im part way to drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize