so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
