You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize