1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
