In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
