Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
