ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
