bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
