We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
