She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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