Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
