even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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