: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
