Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
