Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
