i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize