Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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