when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I still have a little drunk in my system
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
