honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
