We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
