shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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