Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize