When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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