Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
