She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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