He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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