grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
