Can i not drive my cunt home
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
