you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
