Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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