I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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