she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize