Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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