Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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