I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize