everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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