Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
