Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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