dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
