And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
