frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
