They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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