Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
